Tag Archives: spirituality

The Soul Without God And Theory

How can I explain?

Words can’t make you feel the deep, spiraling well I felt burrowing in my lungs as I stood in my verandah, staring at the clouds and knowing silently, calmly but profoundly that I exist.

No arguments can justify my fervent faith and devotion which I experienced as I sat everyday in front of my own sacred idols and prayed to them when I was six.

Not a single poem has been able to capture that of pain of realizing that my first lover didn’t really love me back. No verse can really explain the suffocating agony which ripped my innards into shreds then.

People will laugh if  I express that devastating feeling of being betrayed when my gods didn’t answer my desperate prayers at a time when I needed them most.

These are the moments which made me intensely aware of my being and that is precisely why words always feel so impotent when I try to express them.

Some philosophers say that language is the house of being. I think that is terribly stupid. Language might be the house of identity which can be communicated, but being precedes words. It is in fact a precondition of language. This is made obvious in those moments when language’s failure is so complete that it simply crumbles — in those events when we become speechless.

These are the times when life acquires a depth previously unknown or forgotten. It may not exactly be a moment of unbound joy (pain and sadness are just as adept). It may not even be a moment of uncontrollable emotion (people who practice mindfulness will know how calm observation has a silent profoundness to it).

I think these are simply the moments of intense awareness — the point when existence refuses to be ignored by consciousness. This is when we realize that the experience of life has a value independent of any more explanations.

You might have heard something similar from the New Age gurus and spiritual enthusiasts.
When they tactfully evade the use of ‘God’ to explain the meaning of these experiences, they often use words like higher consciousness, the divine, the supreme consciousness and so on.

What I found common in most of the explanations I’ve encountered is that theses moments are theorized as events when the individual psyche ‘connects’ with someone or something larger, higher, placed above the individual in the spiritual ladder.

I not only think that these explanations are absurd, improvable or unnecessary; I also think that they are an insult.

It is to say, as if, the experiences aren’t worthwhile in themselves. That you have to construct an elaborate system of theories to give that experience some meaningful value. And these constructs are ultimately equally unable to ‘explain’ the cause or logic of any value whatsoever.

What is this special higher consciousness which makes us feel like this? What is this god-like divine and from where does it derive this powerful energy from? If these ‘higher’ beings and energies don’t need anymore explanations then why does the experiences of depth need to be justified by theories?

These explanations merely transfer the experiential valence of the events of depth into something else. It’s the same old religious trick in the garb of spirituality.

Their hypocrisy is often revealed when they themselves admit that words can’t explain the spiritual experiences and then go on to create fun, often cliched theories of spirituality. (Putting faith or intuition above reason is perhaps their favorite one as it allows them to bypass science and gain a few blind acolytes.)

I think that the moments of intense awareness, the moments when life acquires an unspeakable depth are preserved and relived the best without any words or gurus.

I think its time that the spirit reclaims its independence from the shackles of God and theory.

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Why Why?

Why Why?


If you dive deep into the abyss of Reason and have that insanity in you which drives you till the very end of your wits,

You will eventually ask:

Why why?

What what?

How how?

The questions will start questioning themselves. The circle of Reason will be complete.

There will be no answers. And that will be the real dawn of truth.

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Something To Live By


Existence is Fluid;

the Universe is Multiple;

Each Life is Unique;

A Human is Born Free;

Justice is its Need;

Happiness is Holistic;

God is You.

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Iconoclast — The Death Of The Idols


Growing up always involves the exploration of the world and picking out idols who you think you want to be.

Self-discovery always involves shattering of these idols and discovering who you really want to be.

At that crucial juncture of growing up I had worshiped particularly three idols who are still the main inspirations for me — Lady Gaga, Ayn Rand and OSHO, in that chronological order.

And I am happy to say that the iconoclasm has happened for me some time back.


Lady Gaga is perhaps the only one in the pop world who is substantial enough to be called an inspiration, at least for me.
I always had a neurotic, bizarre, outrageous artistic streak in me. In her I saw it reach its ultimate point.
Her philosophy of individual liberation was my philosophy even before I heard of her. It was like she was made of the echoes of my screams, which were insubstantial at that moment of time.
She was the rebellion I always wanted to be.
Here was a woman who did what she wanted, and the criticism didn’t touch because she was so fucking amazing in what she did. She was a rebel not just for the sake of being a rebel, she was a rebel who had a solid foundation. No one could point out and say, “Its just empty fireworks, it’ll disappear with the smoke”.
And most of all, she was a woman who was fucking strong.

But now, I guess that strength is waning in her somehow.
Her next ARTPOP album is rumored to have a song, GUY (Girl Under You).

In an interview, she said, “Any kind of feminist has valid views for herself about what it means to be a feminist, but, as a new-age feminist, I would say I quite like the transference of strength I feel by submitting to a man – being under him,”

So wearing make-up, smelling delicious and having suckable, kissable, edible things between your limbs is something I find strengthening because I know that when I pick the right guy, I can let him have it.

The rebellion in her is officially dead, I guess. That’s what happens when you finally get to have your ‘prince charming’ and you fall back into that patriarchal norm.
When I had discovered Ayn Rand, it was a time when I desperately needed her ideal of selfishness.  For during that period, I had realized that there was nothing greater than the self.
But what irked me since the beginning was her idea of morality. She believed that the ‘ideal man’ should be like a monolithic block of stone, with no contradictions and just blindly following his moral ideal.
What bullcrap.
It left no scope for growth, for growth always means contradictions. And her sense of ideal man or woman is something which is against my current philosophy. Making everyone a prisoner of ideals and pushing them into that impossible path of selfishness ruins the individual. Everyone will then want to be the same, that ‘PERFECT’ man or woman.Moreover, I was not sure about her being a strong feminist rebel. In the fountainhead, the hero rapes the heroine when they first meet. And the heroine wanted it.

This brings me to OSHO. The one man who still inspires me the most.
His idea of morality was organic, spontaneous and so flexible, so alive.
He believed that when you are truly aware of a situation, then you have the freedom to choose what is right according  to the context rather than some code.
Moreover, I loved his book on politics.
He embraced the body along with the mind, the world along with the soul, the self along with the other, the west along with the east, Science along with Spirituality. He was harmony.
But of course, it was too good to be true.
His quotes on homosexuality made me uncomfortable,
As a homosexual you are not even a human being, what to say about a second-class citizen? You have fallen from dignity. I have great love for you, but that does not mean that I will support your perversion. You love me, but your love is meaningless if you cannot understand what I am saying. Be heterosexual. Homosexuality is just a habit that you have got, an ugly habit. Drop it. It is simply a question of dropping it, because it is not natural. Wild animals in the jungle are never homosexual; but in zoos, where females are not available, they turn into homosexuals. All your monasteries are zoos! Why are you becoming part of a zoo? Gather courage: Why are you afraid of a woman? My love is for you. That’s why I am condemning homosexuality continually — because I want you to become natural again.
That is not to say, he was homophobic. OSHO’s contradictions always made it difficult for him to be labelled.
There is nothing wrong in being homosexual. You need not feel guilty about it. One certainly has to go beyond sex, but that is as much applicable to heterosexuality as it is applicable to homosexuality. Heterosexuality or homosexuality are just styles of the same stupidity! You need not feel guilty. In fact, looking at the population of the world, homosexuality should be supported. At least you will not be increasing the population of the world, you will not be loading the earth more. It is already loaded too much. Homosexuality should be valued, respected — it is pure fun! Heterosexuality is dangerous. And what is wrong? If two persons are enjoying each other’s bodies, nothing is wrong. It should be their concern; nobody else’s business to interfere.
I believe that everyone has the right to choose their identity and be happy in it.
Of course, I don’t agree with OSHO at all when he says that homosexuality is unnatural/wrong.
And, thankfully, that prevents me from idolizing him.
In a way, I guess this was destined. Although I don’t believe in destiny that much.
It prevented me from becoming a slave to the idol, while sucking out enough inspiration and ideas from them.
And now, I guess, is the beginning of the journey to be ME rather than Lady Gaga, Ayn Rand or OSHO.Let’s see what the cocoon reveals.

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Pawn Priest

In the temple sat a pawn broker,

“I can loan you enlightenment if you pawn me your soul,”

He said twirling his gold.

“But what is enlightenment without my soul?”

“Don’t think! Don’t Think!”

He said waving his hands.

And I happily obliged.

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